mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
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