I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
