respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize