I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
