ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
