belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
