This dress was meant to end up on your floor
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
