idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize