you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
