Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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