OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
