Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
