areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i can't believe i had my finger in that
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
