glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
