who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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