yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize