it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
