Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
