I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
