hotel room ftw
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
