My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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