2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
