i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The air was thick with penises
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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