Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Ketchup is God's man juice
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Even my vagina gasped.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
