I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
