dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
