just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
