No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
