At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
