like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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