Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
