you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
