Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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