We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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