the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
