are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
