Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
