she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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