Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
