oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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