so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
