dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
