Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
two words: eviction party
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
