So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it's great music for shaving your balls
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
