hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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