he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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