I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
