All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
