Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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