I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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