i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
