And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
