He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
