She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
