I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
