he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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