im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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