marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
