I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
