I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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