i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
