you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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