i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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