have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
