I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
