Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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