you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
