her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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