my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize