I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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