I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
