I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
