i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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