Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I touched a dick in church today
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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