I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
