you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
