I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
These tits shall not be calmed
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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