When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
