the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
